Friday, December 26, 2014

Thoughts On: The Hobbit: The Battle Of The Five Armies...Part 3

           ...And now, the defining chapter...
Obi Wan and Yoda were there in spirit form...

Gandalf's Jail Break: 
Was it cool to have essentially, the most powerful characters in all of the LOTR movies in one scene? Yes, yes indeed (and did it take up precious time? Yes, yes it did, and they might as well have thrown Treebeard, Obi Wan, and Yoda in there too). Considering the group not only rescued Gandalf, but defeated 9 wraiths and Sauron, it begs the question. Why didn't Elrond and Galadriel (I realize Saruman had turned) go with the fellowship years later? They could have seriously used some of that magic to save countless trees...

Sauron's Appearance:
An extended deleted scene from The
Battle of the Five Armies...
But the fact that Sauron just showed up to
confront everyone begs the question... If Sauron can just move around like that, why send the wraiths to get the ring later? Can't he just use GPS whenever Bilbo or Frodo put on the ring and use Goku's Instant Transmission to take it?

Kate's Love Triangle:

Orlando Bloom wasn't first choice to play Legolas again...
Evangeline Lilly was cast in this movie for two reasons, make time, and start another love triangle (to make more time). She executed this super emotionally gripping contest between her, Legolas, and that really human looking dwarf flawlessly. However, her love triangle did have some (Middle) Earth shattering consequences...
1. She made Legolas stand up for her, which forced him to move out of his dad's place
2. She revealed how racist Elves are
3. She revealed that the Elves got an advance copy of Interstellar's monologue on love
4. She revealed that, despite unparalleled wisdom gained from the ages, the most advanced beings in all of Middle Earth can just fall in love with random dwarves they hardly know
5. She revealed that immortality must be that boring...

Kamikaze Troll:
Without a shadow of doubt the most awesome (and admittedly ridiculous) part of this movie was when the Orc army attacked Dale... Leading the charge was a troll who slammed head first (with a stone strapped to his head) into the defending wall, instantly knocking himself out.

           Do you remember how everyone complained about Return of the King's 3 endings? After sitting through The Hobbit: The Battle Of The Five Armies's lengthy battle sequences, gold trips, braids, beards, 5 am after glow, and Alfrid... I think I could have handled a 4th ending.