Thoughts On: Fifty Shades of Grey, AKA Fifty Ways to Waste My Time...

           I just had to go and see this one... We'll I didn't read the book and I can't say this movie inspires me to try it. This is officially my first waste of time movie of 2015 (I'm happy to say I skipped Jupiter Ascending). well, here you go...my thoughts...

Christian Grey? Don Draper? Ya I don't see the similarities either...

1. Are They Going To Send Me The Plot in The Mail?: 

I have no idea what this was about. This movie started unbelievably fast (no really, I couldn't believe it) and from there became an extended "will she, won't she," "no means yes" version of the trailer. If I had to explain the plot to someone in brief, I would say it's... about two people who fall into the most awkwardly unrealistic
relationship built around signing a contract that doesn't end up mattering...and I thought Boyhood had no plot...

2. The Ongoing Lack of Clothing:

As expected, there was a shortage of clothing in this movie. Yet, despite having more nudity than an episode of Game of Thrones, no amount of nudity could possibly save this movie. 

3. The Casting Was No Good:

I think you get the idea...

They must have lost Matt Bomers number because he would have made a better Mr. Grey. It's kind of hard buying into a character driven movie when I don't buy the character whose name is in the title...And is it just me or was Grey a modern Don Draper, complete with practically the same dark back story, and the same detached dynamic. Dakota Johnson didn't look like she wanted to be in the movie anymore than I wanted to be watching it...

          He says he doesn't do romance...except for the new car, helicopter ride, glider ride, and first edition of the whatever old book that was... ok sure... That "play room" was so awkward, It should tell you how bad this movie was that those scenes did less to capture my attention than to remind me of The Passion of the Christ, Django Unchained, and the first season of True Detective all at once...

Random Screen Guy Rating: 15.458327